John Thomas Wild Ride

As for me, I’ll record the Story of John Thomas’s Wild Ride, which took place only last Thursday.

We had just finished delivering the last of our food bags to starving peasants in the Kherson region, which is a 12-hour train ride east of Kiev. I received maybe 100 kisses and hugs from aging babushkas who had been cut off from their food supply for months. Most of their homes had been destroyed by Russian fire and they were living in basements.

They said, “Thank you.” I replied, “Stay strong.” They cried.

Then my army escort, a major who we called “Vitally”, got a call. A Russian mortar was harassing Kerson with intermittent fire inflicting casualties, and they were unable to spot it. Would we be willing to act as a decoy and draw fire? We would do this by leaving my iPhone 14 powered on whose signal the Russians could easily track and zero in on.

The major looked at me to ask permission. I was on a humanitarian mission and had no obligation to engage in combat. What did I think?

I did the math. A mortar is a notoriously inaccurate weapon, plus we’d be doing at least 80 miles an hour. I decided it was more likely that I win the California lottery than get hit. So I told the major “Sure, why not.” I looked at the rest of my team and they agreed wholeheartedly. So, we headed down to the waterfront in Kherson.

The city has this long street which follows the banks of the Dnieper River. The Russian Army occupies the eastern bank and are well fortified. Kherson was completely deserted without a person or vehicle in sight. It was like a ghost town. Every statue in town had been stolen when the Russians retreated. Once we turned north, we poured on the gas.

We raced along the river as fast as the car would go, weaving left and right to avoid shell craters in the road. Occasionally we hit one and our heads bumped up against the ceiling. We sped through every red light. It was the thrill of a lifetime!

As we approached the bridge over the Dnieper River, which had already been blown up, sure enough a mortar shell went sailing right overhead, hitting a building 100 yards to our left. Then we screeched to a halt, did a rapid 180, and tore off in the opposite direction. The Ukrainian Army’s 155 mm shells fired over our heads second later.

In a minute later we found a bomb shelter and jammed on the brakes. As we piled out of the car the air raid sirens were wailing. Once we got inside, we all burst into laughter. We couldn’t believe what we had just gotten away with.

And I got the whole thing on video.

Sitting in the bomb shelter I felt a stinging in my right hip. I looked down to find an AK 47 7.62mm copper jacketed bullet embedded in my flak jacket about an inch from the edge. When we left the bomb shelter, I inspected the car and sure enough we had been sprayed with machine gun fire from across the river (see picture below).

It was a lucky hit. The bullet lost much of its velocity crossing the river and the sheet metal of the car slowed it down even further. The Kevlar bullet proof vest did its job. I got away with only a nice bruise.

As we drove out of town the major received another call. Thanks to our effort the mortar had been silenced. He gave me a big smile and a thumbs up.

At the edge of town, we stopped for a victory photo at the city gates. That’s my team holding the American flag. The major has a scarf covering his face to keep his identity secret.

The major told me I was the bravest man he ever met. Then he turned and started walking back into Kherson.

If you want to watch the video of John Thomas’s Wild Ride please tune into mt biweekly webinar on Wednesday October 18 at 12:00 noon ESR>

Stay Healthy,

John Thomas
CEO & Publisher
The Diary of a Mad Hedge Fund Trader