The coming Fourth of July celebration brings back memories of my late wife?s campaign to become an American citizen, who originally came from Japan.

Part of the process required a verbal quiz about US history and government. Our family spent a year energetically prepping her, with nightly grilling?s over dinner about the most obscure details of our independent form of government. She took cram courses and read a dozen prep books. By the time the test day came, she was a veritable constitutional law scholar, and any one of us could have qualified for a seat on the Supreme Court.

I drove her up to the Federal Building in Santa Rosa, California with the greatest trepidation. As the interviewing officer entered, the tension in the room was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. There were only three questions. No. 1: what colors are in the American flag (answer: red, white, and blue). No. 2: who was the first general of the US army? (Answer: George Washington). What are the three branches of government? (Answer: legislative, executive, and judicial).

I was stunned. All that work and she gets a test that a child could pass. Two months later we were in an auditorium on San Francisco?s posh Nob Hill with 1,500 others to be sworn in, which by tradition is led by an English applicant.

In 2008, the feds revamped the test to make it a little harder. Here are some sample questions. No. 1: who wrote the Articles of Confederation? (Answer: Alexander Hamilton). No 2: how many seats are in the House of Representatives? (Answer: 435 voting, six nonvoting). No. 3: How many amendments are there to the Constitution? (27)

Whoa! I?m not sure I could pass this test. Just as my SAT scores are probably too low to get into a decent school today, I?m not sure that I could meet the standard to become a citizen either. But over one million immigrants did last year.

My tux and white dinner jacket are packed, the hotels are booked, and the limo is waiting outside. The Cessna is fully fueled and the flight plan filed. I am taking off for my annual European Strategy Luncheon Tour.

Along the way I will be meeting with other hedge fund managers, senior government officials, CEO?s at major banks and Fortune 500 companies, large institutional investors, and a Nobel Prize winner or two. Getting out into the real world and soaking up new data and opinions in invaluable in shaping my own global view, and your performance benefits from it. Since I don?t stumble across these people in my living room, I have to seek them out.

After pit stops in Chicago and New York, I?ll board the Cunard Line?s Queen May II at the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal to take residence in the owner?s suite. As we pass over the wreck of the Titanic on the second day out, we?ll throw a bouquet of flowers as a mark of respect.

In London I?ll catch William Shakespeare?s A Midsummer Night?s Dream at the Globe Theater, spend an evening at the Royal Ballet, and visit the Royal Academy of Arts Summer Exhibition. At least one morning will find me catching an old-fashioned straight razor shave at the Jermyn Street Barbers, and topping up my supply of business shirts at Turnbull & Asser.

The cheese trolley at the Michelin restaurant is to die for. For accommodations I?ll be staying at the ever reliable, if not Spartan, British Navy Officers Club. You know, the place where Horatio Nelson used to drink with his junior officers?

I?ll then board the Orient Express for Venice, where the dinner is black tie only. Hopefully, there won?t be any murders this time. If a new Brioni suit and pair of Gucci shoes throw themselves upon me while I stroll through the Galleria in Milan I may be unable to resist.

In Geneva I?ll be consulting with the representatives of several Middle Eastern royal families while they vacation in the Alps. One afternoon will be devoted to taking the paddle wheel steamer on Lake Geneva to the Chateau de Chillon in Montreux where Lord Byron used to live, sipping fine Swiss white wines along the way.

The grand finale will be my annual assault on the Matterhorn at Zermatt, which at 14,692 feet, is higher than anything we have in the continental US. After training all year for this, it?s now or never. I spend my evenings there at public steam baths where, afterwards, I roll around in the snow and beat myself with birch branches. It is invigorating, to say the least.

I will be traveling with my laptop and keeping touch with the markets. While 18^th century Internet service is passable, the bandwidth can be snail like. So unless I see something extraordinary, I will cut back on new Trade Alerts. After running up a 36% return in six months, and beating 99% of the hedge funds in the industry, I deserve a break. I need to spend some time alone on a mountaintop, communing with the spirits, attempting to discover the new long-term market trends through the mist.

While on the road, I will continue writing my newsletter, giving you my daily dose of market insight. I will also be re-running some of my favorite research pieces from the past. This is to expose my thousands on new subscribers to the golden oldies, and to remind the legacy readers who have since forgotten them. I will be back in San Francisco in mid August, glued to my screens once again for another year of toil. In the meantime, please feel free to email me.

Mad Day Trader, Jim Parker, will be putting the pedal to the metal to get his new product off the ground, and will be working straight through the summer.

In the meantime, I shall be raising a glass to all of you at dinner, the loyal readers of The Diary of a Mad Hedge Fund Trader. Salute! Prost! And Cheers! Thanks for making this letter a huge success!

If you want to take the opportunity to meet me in person, please find my strategy luncheon schedule below. To purchase tickets for the luncheons, please go to my online store at http://madhedgefundradio.com/ and click on ?STRATEGY LUNCHEONS?, and the city of your choice.

New York City - July 2
London, England - July 8
Amsterdam, Netherlands - July 12
Berlin, Germany - July 16
Frankfurt, Germany - July 19
Portofino, Italy - July 25
Mykonos, Greece - August 1
Zermatt, Switzerland - August 9

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