Dear John,

You gave me a profit this year well into six digits which has me so addicted to your service that I’m considering taking out life insurance on you from Lloyd’s of London.

I admit I get VERY nervous every time you adventure off to climb the Matterhorn or vagabond through the High Sierras within stalking distance of mountain lions or drive that Tesla further than the end of your driveway or travel with the swells on the Orient Express, virtually daring the enemies of capitalism to do something rash.

You must stop all such foolishness so you can maximize the probability of keeping us in Trade Alerts for the longest possible time. Toward that end, we also respectfully request that you watch your consumption of bubbly and cholesterol at all those fancy restaurants you favor, rein in the holiday celebrations over your amazing track record, and be sure to take your meds.

Also, getting to bed early the rest of the year won’t hurt, unless of course you’re pulling all-nighters with Mad Day Trader’s Bill Davis on the phone as you both nervously watch the overseas markets until the early dawn, followed by a hectic day of domestic trading and writing of Trade Alerts, all of which you should feel free to do as frequently as needed to keep your performance on its current blistering track. (We must, after all, keep our eye on what’s most important in life.)

I, like most of your subscribers, am long — very long — on the Mad Hedge Fund Trader…and we need you healthy for many years–preferably decades–to come.

Garden City, NY